Updates 6/7
June 8, 2024
The Learning Center Is About To Ruin Your Day (but perhaps save your fall)
VOLUNTEER PRIORITY REGISTRATION ends at 8pm, June 14th.
GENERAL REGISTRATION begins June 15th at 7am.
Can't wait? Sign up for our SUMMER DRAMA WORKSHOPS. See details here.
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Hello Summery Moms,
It’s mostly sunny, getting warmer every week, the pools and splash pads are open, and it’s still so early that you don’t have to hear anyone saying, “This summer's going too fast!”
And now I have to ruin everything by talking about school in the fall: but there is only one more week for volunteers to snatch up their favorite classes.
I know, I know: you just want to close your eyes and not think about it, listening to the shouts and splashing, soaking up the warmth, and smelling the mixture of sunscreen and chlorine. (Alas for this generation that will never know the exotic aroma of Hawaiian Tropic Coconut Butter suntan lotion!)
But those darn classes are filling up again. Our goal is to relieve your stress, but here we are adding another item to your endless to-do list. I swear, this was never our intention. Once we were a happy little learning center: we’d offer a few classes and hope someone would show up. Now it seems we have become an evil empire, a corrupt conglomerate, the Monsanto of Montessoris.
I do want to make clear that in general, I encourage escapes into illusions. This, by the way, is a 180 degree turn from my younger zealous self who saw himself as a SEEKER OF TRUTHS. Little did I know how bitter those earthly truths would turn out to be. (One might think that my Christian theology might have helped me to anticipate these results, rather than it being yet another example of the difference between intelligence and wisdom.)
So now I am in constant search for illusion and distraction. For instance, instead of hearing more about the latest assault on America’s vestigial democracy, I focus on such stories as “Anna Sorokin Accessorized Cream Suit Dress with a Sparkly, Monogrammed Ankle Monitor for Court,” “Woman's Butter-Themed Birthday Party Goes Viral,” and "These Adorable Rescue Dogs Will Take the Ice for the First-Ever Stanley Pup!”
Are they insipid? Are they unsavory? Of course, but remember your etymology: the root of both insipid and unsavory is “without taste,” which is preferable to my previous diet. My main objection to this fare is that their banality cannot remove the acrid after-taste that still lingers. Maybe I can find a used bottle of Hawaiian Tropic on eBay and bask in the aroma until I drown in delight…
If I ever find it, I promise to post the smell and send you a link.
At Last! The Learning Center Brings a Welcome Flood
A flood of new classes, that is. Yes, the Fall Schedule has landed! See details here.
June 1st: Volunteer registration opens at 7am.
June 15th: General registration opens at 7am.
Classes go fast, so consider VOLUNTEERING. Volunteers receive a 27% tuition discount and a scholarship. See details here.
Find out more about registration here.
P.S. I apologize to anyone who I have triggered by using the “f” word (“flood”). Perhaps it’s precipitous to speak of precipitation with anything approaching a dry sense of humor. We had waded through the worst of it—winter—and no one seems to have heard it murmur, “Après moi, le déluge …” as it drifted away.
What fools we were, mesmerized by the mirage of spring, drunk with the scent of the lilacs and blinded by the indigos of our irises! Little did we know that all our exclamatory “ohs!” would be merged with pairs of diabolical H’s to rain on our parade.
But admit it: we have no one to blame but ourselves. How could we forget that if there is one ironclad fact about Nebraska, it is that our weather can brew any number of climatic cocktails designed to flatten even the most effervescent of seasons?
Previously, I have tried to cheer myself up by reflecting that it’s better to have tempestuous weather and calm people than the reverse. But even I have to admit that this rationalization is inadequate in a place where the most commonly googled question of the past fortnight was “How big is a cubit?”
But there is a tide in the affairs of men, and sooner or later this one will turn. Today I offer you this olive branch: put down your wet/dry vac, step out of your wellies, read over our new schedule, and dream about a beautiful autumn filled with wonderful classes for your kids. Take a breath, be calm, and let your mind fill with visions of fall: the leaves are turning, the air is crisp with a hint of smoke in it, you have a pumpkin latte in your hand…. What could go wrong?
• “Après moi, le déluge …” Attributed to King Louis XV of France, foretelling the French Revolution after his extravagant reign.
• “How big is a cubit?” An ancient unit of length based on the distance from the elbow to the tip of the middle finger, used in God’s instructions to Noah to construct the Ark.
LOOKING FOR WAYS TO KEEP YOUR KIDS BUSY WHILE YOU GET THINGS DONE?
Have them tally every allusion to water/liquid found in the postscript, including nautical references, aphorisms, puns, and word origins. According to my count, they should be able to find
Paragraph one: (“P.S. I apologize…”) FIVE, excluding the too obvious “flood”
Paragraph two: (“What fools we were…”) FIVE, with extra credit for finding a non-liquid pun
Paragraph three: (“But admit it…”) FOUR
Paragraph four: (“Previously, I have…) TWO not counting cubit since it’s explained in the endnotes.
Paragraph five: (“But there is a…”) EIGHT, plus extra credit for spotting the phrase from Shakespeare; double extra credit for naming the play.
Footnotes: ONE excluding deluge
Answers can be found by scrolling way down…
1. precipitous (word origin), precipitation, dry humor, waded, deluge
2. mirage, spring, drunk, “ohs!” merged with H’s, rain on our parade. Extra credit for irises.
3. ironclad (think Civil War), brew, cocktails, effervescent
4. tempestuous, calm
5. tide, turn, olive branch (think Noah), wet/dry vac (too obvious?), wellies, filled, be calm (read as one word), pumpkin latte
“But there is a tide in the affairs of men…” Julius Caesar
Footnotes: reign
